Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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