What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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