R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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