You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
