You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
