thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
