you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
