I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Thank you for not boning my boss.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
