i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
