:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is her dick bigger than yours?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
