apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We don't watch enough power rangers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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