I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
