1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
