So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
