at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
