Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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