last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
