When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
