I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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