Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
