did you get engaged???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
