They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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