So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
