Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
