I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
