Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
