whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
