I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
