when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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