Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
