So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
