She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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