this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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