hotel room ftw
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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