Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
