I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
