I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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