Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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