sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
