Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
People in love make me want to vomit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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