Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
