Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
