I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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