Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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