I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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