My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
