batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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