I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
