is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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