If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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