just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
