I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
