I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
