so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
