which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
