I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This house was built for laser tag.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
