Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
