I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
