You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
