I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He did a backflip because drugs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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