areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
